Poor pumpkin patch output? Blame climate change. (Bloomberg photo via Washington Post)
People used to blame things on gnomes, trolls and leprechauns, but no more. Anything that goes afoul of your wishes or expectations, you can blame climate change — your all-purpose go-to for attribution and accusation.
Why just today, the Las Vegas newspaper has a front page story heralding — without tongue anywhere near the cheek — that the poor Thanksgiving season pumpkin crop can be blamed on climate change. This is because of wet weather in the Midwest caused by, of course, climate change.
“Numerous studies have warned that the effects of climate change, including changes in temperature and precipitation and more frequent and intense severe weather events, droughts, fires, floods and other natural disasters, could have major impacts on agriculture all over the world,” the freelance writer for The Washington Post recounts faithfully from the dogma of climate change bible.
You see climate change causes droughts and rainfall.
That’s why the nut crops in California are poor due the drought caused by climate change.
Poor nut crops due to climate change caused drought.
Pay no attention that outmoded and now replaced Bible that spoke of seven years of lean followed by seven years of fat, nor the research that found levels of the Nile River recorded from AD 622 through 1922 that found a seven-year cycle of high and low river levels.
Wildfires in the West, blame it on climate change. Harry Reid does. “We have climate change. It’s here. You can’t deny it,” Reid told the Las Vegas newspaper. “Why do you think we are having all these fires?”
Flooding? Blame climate change, too.
Syrian civil war? Blame climate change. Prince Charles does. “He told Sky News that ‘one of the major reasons for this horror in Syria’ is a years-long drought which meant that ‘huge numbers of people’ had to leave. He said climate change had a ‘huge impact’ on conflict and extremism,” according to the New York Post.
National security threatened? It is climate change that causes that. “I am here today to say that climate change constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security, and, make no mistake, it will impact how our military defends our country,” Obama told graduates of the Coast Guard Academy. “And so we need to act, and we need to act now” — before we run out of pumpkins.
Low birth rate in the U.S.? Blame climate change. Too hot to cuddle. “The data showed that on average between 1931 through 2010, each hot day resulted in 1,165 fewer baby births across the United States some nine months later,” Reuters reported with an apparently straight face.
Got a poor report card? Pull out the all-purpose, all-occasion, go-to troll and blame climate change. Too hot to study. That’s the ticket.
4TH ST8 