Confessions of a dense guy

Genius is where you find it. But so is dense.

A recent household incident reminded me of the ageless Solomonic conundrum: You have one cookie and two equally hungry children. You break the cookie in half, but one “half” is invariably bigger than the other, so you place one piece in each hand behind your back and have them choose. That’s how guys do it.

I took a package of frozen ground turkey out to thaw for dinner the other day, but it was more than two pounds, twice what we needed. I noticed the ground turkey lay in parallel strips in the package. Rather than thaw the whole package, I deftly cracked it over the cast iron partition in the middle of the kitchen sink. That’s how guys solve problems

But instead of breaking in half it broke more along the line of one-third and two-thirds. Oh, well, I shrugged, too much one night and too little another. That’s how the cookie breaks.

But the wife instructed me to break each piece in half. To which I replied in the universal guy vernacular: “Huh?” Then we would have four unequal pieces.

But I did as instructed and muttered to myself in the universal guy vernacular: “Oh.”

I then placed half of the one-third piece in a bag along with half of the two-thirds piece to thaw for dinner, while the other two pieces went into another bag to return to the freezer for another day’s repast.

Did I mention that I actually passed spatial geometry in college?


6 comments on “Confessions of a dense guy

  1. Bruce Feher says:

    That’s why guys like us need wives….

  2. Yep. That’s the point.

  3. Steve says:

    Before freezing, we cut our pound of ground meat into four visually equal parts and wrap with clear plastic then store the wrapped sections in a “ziplock” freezer bag.
    Factually, these four sections should be 1/4lb each.
    This not only lets us choose how much to cook for the two of us, the double plastic also prevents freezer burn allowing us to store it far longer than is normally possible in a self defrosting freezer.

  4. Athos says:

    Tom, you’re a hoot! Thanks for the laugh!

  5. Barbara says:

    My wise Father told me the secret to a long marriage was to just smile and say “Yes, Dear.”

  6. Bill says:

    I understand the ineptitude on apportionment but am at a loss to understand ground turkey.

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