I must be accommodated!

I am a rich person trapped in a poor person’s body.

Therefore, the government must accommodate me.

“There is no room for discrimination of any kind, including discrimination against transwealth persons on the basis of their poverty,” Attorney General Loretta Lynch said in a statement. “This guidance gives administrators and elected officials the tools they need to protect transwealth persons from peer harassment and to identify and address unjust policies.”

Her order will provide we transwealth persons with Section 8 housing vouchers so we may occupy the mansions of our choice, as well as food stamps redeemable at the gourmet markets and the finest restaurants. We will also be staked for the high stakes tables at the casinos and provided a private jet for our world travels and a yacht for our ocean cruises.

Government hairdressers will take care of our combovers and our personal tailors fit our custom clothing.

“No person should ever have to go through the experience of feeling unwelcome in our society. …” said another U.S. government agency head. “We must ensure that our trans people know that whoever they are or wherever they come from, they have the opportunity to live in the lap of luxury in an environment free from discrimination, harassment and violence.”

How dare anyone throw a person out of a store simply because they can’t pay the bill. That is blatant discrimination, harassment and violence.

A letter obtained by the Washington Post explains the administration’s rationale for its decision: “As is consistently recognized in civil rights cases, the desire to accommodate others’ discomfort cannot justify a policy that singles out and disadvantages a particular class.”



8 comments on “I must be accommodated!

  1. Bruce Feher says:

    Where do I sign up?

  2. Carl Bunce says:

    I was wondering why people have been discriminating against me at the Ferrari dealership for so many years. They should have accommodated my need to drive their product, it has been their micro-aggressions toward my outward appearance as a middle-class gentleman with only one comma in my bank balance that has scarred me and not allowed me to find my true potential as a billionaire. I will be finding a lawyer.

  3. Patrick says:

    I guess since the rampant “flag burning” has finally ceased (both on every street corner and as a political tool) and likewise since opposition to gay marriage has outlived it’s usefulness as an issue the right can champion, why not bathroom protocols?

    The right well understands how tenuous their grip on the House and Senate is this year, and with Trump as the nominee, and republicans threatening to stay away from the polls en masse, you gotta think of something that will get the right out of their chairs.

    Bathroom protocols….that’ll do ‘er.

  4. Steve says:

    Patricks so one sided it doesn’t matter which door is on the left, that’s the one he chooses!

  5. ronknecht says:

    Uhh, I wanna join you in this. I fee your pain.


    Ron Knecht Economist & Nevada Controller 775-882-2935 775-684-5777 http://www.RonKnecht.com

  6. Nyp says:

    My goodness, what an astoundingly witless post!

  7. Oh come on, it was only half-witless, like the quotes in it that were only slightly modified from actual quotes today.

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